I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
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No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
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You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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