I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
