Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
