you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
