remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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