I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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