Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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