Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
