Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
