Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
