Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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