Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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