don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
