She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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