i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
how does that bad decision feel?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
