How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
