Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
