Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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