She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
