ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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