even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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