I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
