i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
