Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
