there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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