i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
