Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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