i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
