And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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