Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
