I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize
