THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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