the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
is that a dick in a sweater?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
