Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
