I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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