so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
