you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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