In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
