I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
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she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
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Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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