I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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