Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
