please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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