Soap is not a condiment
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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