here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
