Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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