You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
