have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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