You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
