I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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