I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
