My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
