My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
