Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
