i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
