the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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