Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
