If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
