Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
