shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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