well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
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He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
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You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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