He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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