The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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