In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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