It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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